How to Gain Self Esteem in a Relationship


Having a negative mindset and looking backward on our weaknesses suppress our emotions, shy away from reality or constantly ignore the truth and let others walk over us, depreciates our self-esteem, leaving us with little or no value to add to a relationship.

But, what if you’re given an opportunity to make things right by ensuring you build your confidence and restore value to your relationship?

The next question is ‘’Are you ready for the next line of action, moving towards being the best version of yourself, adding value and making the world a better place in your relationship?’’ 

It’s no secret that oftentimes most women find it difficult to overcome insecurities and also struggle with maintaining a certain level of self-esteem in their relationship.

Most times they get overwhelmed by series of thought that crosses their mind each day. For example, ‘’Do I really look attractive or inviting? “Is my butt really big enough? Do I have figure 8 kind of shape?” and to other issues like having a poor mindset that makes you feel you’re the black sheep among your peers or in your family.

In reality, we all look forward to how we can overcome our inner critics and conquer our challenges.

It may interest you to know that battling against low self-esteem; has a great impact on our romantic relationship which also goes further to affect our personal lives too.

Sometimes, people find themselves in an unpleasant situation that makes them question their self-worth, giving room for insecurities which eventually makes them generate bad feelings that affect the way they interact with their partner

How past experience determines your future relationship

The gateway to creating a healthy relationship may seem a bit challenging. However, we all have feelings and expectations that we so desire in every relationship.

We must give quality attention we need back to ourselves, in order not to focus our minds on external sources.

As adults, we define our relationship and sometimes attempt to heal wounds that occurred while we were much younger and most of the things we couldn’t achieve or make right, tend to catch up with us in our adult relationship.

Basically, we tend to express the ugly stories and the wounds we incurred from our previous relationships with the mindset that we don’t want any further repetition of what happened in the past.


One major way people express their unmet needs while they were much younger is by constantly separating themselves from their partners.

When people decide not to express love, give attention, or distance themselves in a relationship, it is actually a sign that they have no interest or value in that relationship. But, on the other hand, what they’re trying to do is to suppress their emotions and hide from the past

Furthermore, obsessing and overtly needy can also be a way whereby people express their insecurities in relationships.

Oftentimes, such individuals do find it challenging to relax or find a method that perfectly suits their personality. Especially during trying times in a relationship.

A person who expresses a needy lifestyle can easily get overwhelmed emotionally and such a lifestyle can also end up getting their partner overwhelmed as well. This act can cause their partner to feel burnt out.

6 Tips to Fix Insecurities In Any Relationship.

Anything that makes you feel insecure in a relationship is worth giving close attention to. Here are strategic steps that could make you feel better while you establish an intimate relationship with your partner.

1.  Lay Emphasis on your Life Experience

Can we change the past? Certainly not! Our experiences, while we were much younger, have really structured us as individuals we are today, both the positive and negative aspects.

As a result, the ideal thing is to change the way we give attention to our past and not letting it overwhelm us in our current lifestyle.

It won’t be out of place if we make corrections on our previous life stories and think about the experiences we had and how those memories could have structured and shaped those actions we took even as adults.

If we decide to relate or link our past with the present, it may give us a good understanding in knowing the reasons behind our previous actions. These steps go a long way to improve your self-confidence. It also helps us to let go of the past and not allowing it to define who we are currently.

2.  Strategize How to Express Insecurities in your Relationship

Being honest with ourselves is a major step we ought to take if we must fix any form of insecurities that exist in our relationship. And part of that is by giving it a conscious approach and becoming self-aware.

The question is; Are you the needy type that tries to gradually separate or distance yourself from your partner?

Being honest with this answer is very important. It requires your readiness, transparency, and sincerity in confiding your inner world to your partner.

 3. Showing Self-Compassion is very Vital.

At the point when you have figured out how to handle your fears or insecurities, the next thing is to subsequently begin to rehearse or practice self-compassion and be conscious about times when you might probably allow your insecurities to overwhelm you.

At this point, the need to practice self-care is very necessary because self-compassion is basically the response to you during hard times. On the other hand, unlike self-esteem, we have full control of self-care.

Hence, self-esteem entails examining or evaluating ourselves compared to others. It also involves our feelings towards how we react in some real-life situations. As humans sometimes we can’t handle, control or regulate how we feel but we can definitely control the reactions to our feeling.

Therefore, the process through which we control our response, accept our fears and work through them can be referred to as self-care.

4. Enhance your self-care

If you’re attempting to make a huge difference in trying to strengthen your relationship lifestyle, meeting basic needs, showing self-care, and exhibiting self-awareness show that you’re on the right part towards having a fulfilled and spectacular relationship.

When fulfilling certain responsibilities in relationships, if you don’t quench your thirst and satisfy your hunger. For example, asking for too much and not being contended. 

Such acts can be a barrier when fulfilling these responsibilities. Skipping some basic responsibilities and leaving certain needs unmet can generate some form of negativity and also make things seem a bit difficult.

5.  Distinguish Performance from Self-Worth

It’s highly commendable and essential to distinguish performance from self-worth even while you’re exhibiting self-care. This is based on the mindset that people feel their worth is derived from a performance at a given point in time.

When you perform excellently well, you’ll feel excited about yourself. But when your performance is low, it makes you feel insecure and also makes you look down on yourself. This is specifically at the point when you willingly want to show yourself some self-care.

We can actually separate performance from self-worth by taking steps towards reducing the number of times we have to go through such a worrisome process.

Have that self-esteem to the point that if your performance is very poor at a competition or even in a reality show broadcasted live on TV, discard any thought that makes you feel or look down on yourself and also ensure that the poor performance feelings don’t determine your value or self-worth.

Note: irrespective of how well you perform at a sports training ground or at a job interview, shouldn’t define or determine your self-worth or value. And any thought pertaining to that should be discarded immediately. However, it may look simple but sometimes putting it into practice can be a bit difficult.

Sometimes despite how self-informed you are as one who’s currently in diverse areas of life, to be sincere, there are things that arose insecurity feelings in you when you encounter or think about them.

It all goes down to the fact that they’re always specific things that we all have to give conscious attention to or be more sensitive about. This is related to your flaws and it will be nice if you can be polite and respectful in motivating your partner on their flaws. By doing these with courtesy will give them a positive feeling about themselves.

Loving someone just the way they are, being their source of motivation, and focusing on their growth and development is what really matters in a relationship.

Try to enquire from others or seek advice from someone knowledgeable and responsible to be a source of encouragement as you seek the best possible ways to handle insecurities in your relationship.

6.  Set Your Limits

Inasmuch as you rejected a lunch break given to you at work, turned down, or declined an invitation to a field trip doesn’t define the limit you’ve set.

The importance of setting limits cannot be over-emphasized because there’s more to it. This entails self-love and making quality decisions that make you feel cool irrespective of what others think or say.

Setting boundaries helps you pave the way and sets standards that make you unique, it also gives others a clue of what you permit to stay close to you, the kind of conversations you flow with, your choice of words while talking, the things you share, etc.

As one who is unique, you’ll feel happier and relaxed within your relationship after customizing limits that interpret your personality.

This customized limit elevates your self-esteem. For you to set boundaries and achieve your aims, you must know your worth as an individual, set your standard, stand by it and be humble with it.

Feel free to let others know about your lifestyle. Don’t be scared about disclosing it to them, because they’re your choices and you’re in charge.

These steps can generally skyrocket your self-confidence.

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How do you build self-esteem in a relationship? FAQs

  1. By admitting you’re wrong as part of humanity. Avoid being too proud of yourself.
  2. Try to tolerate and accept your partner just as they are. Don’t force change on them.
  3. Try to acknowledge the good in them by offering genuine praise for their good works.
  4. Don’t condemn their actions, instead encourage them with love.
  5. Try not to shame, blame or take advantage on their weaknesses.

How do I build my Self-esteem?

There are ways in which you can boost your selfesteem.

  1. Lay Emphasis on your Life Experience
  2. Strategize How to Express Insecurities in your Relationship
  3. Showing Self-Compassion is very Vital.
  4. Enhance your self-care
  5. Distinguish Performance from Self-Worth
  6. Set Your Limits

What are the signs that a girl has low self-esteem

Signs of low self-esteem include:
  • Social isolation.
  • Hostility.
  • The act of taking issues Personal.
  • Mere Physical Symptoms.
  • Being too sensitive to Criticism. If you have low selfesteem you may be extra sensitive to criticism, whether from your partner or yourself.

How do I boost my Self-esteem?

Ways to Build Your Confidence and Self-esteem

  1. Ensure your feeding is based on a balanced diet.
  2. Be positive minded
  3. Give quality attention to your health and personal hygiene
  4. Monitor your growth and build on it.
  5. Ensure you dress decently, trim your nails, brush your hair and try to put a smile on your face.

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About the Author:

Elijah John is a blogger, digital marketer and a website developer.

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